This one line is killing your email

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Let’s get real for a second.

If you’re sending emails and hearing crickets, it’s probably not your product.

It’s not even your subject line (though that could use work too).

👉 The real culprit?

Your first sentence sucks.

I know that sounds harsh—but it’s the truth most email marketers and founders need to hear.

Because in the split second someone opens your email, they’re subconsciously asking:

And if your opening line doesn’t punch them in the brain with relevance, curiosity, or clarity…

…they close the tab, scroll on, or mentally file you next to that guy on LinkedIn who still uses “Hope you’re doing well” as a strategy.

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The Email Death Sentence

Here’s what most cold emails do wrong:

No. No. No. No.

This is the email equivalent of giving a TED Talk in a whisper.

Nobody cares who you are (yet). Nobody asked you to show up. You need to earn attention before you explain.

The painful truth?

Even if your offer is gold…
Even if your product solves a real problem…
Even if your case studies are stacked like pancakes…

If your first line flops?

The rest doesn’t matter.

✅ The Fix: Lead With the Pain

Here’s the secret to writing first lines that make people read on:

Start with the problem they’re feeling right now.

Cold email is interruption marketing. That means you’ve got seconds—maybe—to show the reader you understand their world better than 99% of people in their inbox.

Let’s compare:

See the difference?

The first one’s about you. The second one’s about them. Big win.

Plug-and-Play Opening Line Templates

Use these to upgrade your cold email’s first sentence immediately:

1. “Struggling with [pain point]?”
   → “Struggling to get your offers in front of real buyers?”

2. “If you’re like most [target role], you’re probably dealing with…”
   → “If you’re like most SaaS founders, you’ve probably wasted hours writing emails that don’t convert.”

3. “Most [job title] we speak with have one big challenge…”
   → “Most eCom marketers we talk to have one big challenge: turning browsers into buyers.”

4. “Quick question—are you still dealing with [pain]?”
   → “Quick question—are you still dealing with open rates under 10%?”

The goal is to build instant relevance and show empathy. Because when the reader feels seen, they’re far more likely to trust what you say next.

Want Replies? Start With This

Here’s your homework

Go open the last 3 emails you sent.

• Read only the first line.

• Ask: Would you keep reading?

• If not, rewrite the opening using one of the templates above.

Then A/B test it.

I’ve had clients double their reply rates just by changing the first line. Seriously.

TL;DR (The “Too Long; Didn’t Respond” Fix)

• Your first line makes or breaks your cold email.

• Don’t talk about yourself—talk about their problem.

• Use short, sharp, emotionally resonant openers.

• Want more examples? Hit reply and I’ll send you my swipe file.

If you got value from this edition, share it with a friend who writes sales emails. Or forward it to your team and say, “Yo, fix this before we burn more leads.”

Until next time,
The InBoXer Team